Today’s highly localized advice:
Count to three-Mississippi at the stop sign on Church and 19th Street, because that Rectitude Cop guy is lurking, waiting to chase you up or down the hill, siren whooping, smirking with glee under his motorcycle-cop issue moustache. And if you tell him you think the SFPD should better allocate its resources, he’ll lie to you that there were two fatalities at that corner.
Water your Christmas tree more than you think you need to. A seven-footer seems to drink water at the rate of four liters a day. Bonus advice: have John Danforth string the lights. He places them deep in the branches and it makes the tree look like a magic forest.
Don’t let your cat out. There’s an enormous red tail hawk flying over Dolores Park. His wingspan is about three-and-a-half feet. Or if your cat is Pie, open the door and tell him there’s a nice cashmere scarf out there just waiting to be mauled.
The 38th Avenue Surfline cam is down. Don’t bother, unless you want to see a still photo of this morning’s sunrise.
Slice cauliflower rather than breaking it into florets before roasting. It crisps up better. More advice gained during dinner at Lisa Thompson’s house: a Spiralizer creates fantastic zucchini pasta. They're on sale at Williams Sonoma.
Number two pencils make you write more neatly than do pens, and they feel good on paper. Also, when you make notes in books, you can erase it, so you don’t find stupid shit like “honor=folly” in your college copy of Love’s Labour’s Lost. More bonus advice: writing really small doesn’t make what you write any less moronic.
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