I read in Leah Garchik's column in the Chronicle this morning that "...[Nancy] Pelosi's name, in a political number in 'Beach Blanket Babylon,' spurs a gasp of pleasure in the audience, says Jo Schuman Silver, and the politician will be a full-scale character - on a motorcycle as Leader of the Pack - by New Year's Eve." Which leads me to:
The Top 10 Reasons I Hate San Francisco:
1. Beach Blanket Babylon
2. Our constant gasping delight at our sheer wonderful-ness.
3. Our conviction that we are responsible for all good things but blameless for anything bad because after all we voted against it in a city-wide ballot proposition.
4. The way people don’t know how to negotiate a sidewalk or any other public space. (In cities like New York people use eye contact to determine right-of-way, and never stop dead in their tracks without looking behind them.)
5. San Francisco drivers who putter around in a coma until they see a red light, at which time they suddenly turn into Dale Earnhardt.
6. People who think pedestrianism is a political movement, and that car-ists are out to marginalize them.
7. Those 24-Hour-Fitness Fit Lite establishments that are popping up all over, with the perky employees that jump out and try to get you to join when you’re innocently walking down the block to pick up a dozen bagels and a pound of cream cheese.
8. MUNI, which is so unreliable a kid cannot take the train to school unless he wants to spend the entire year in detention for being late.
9. The neighborhood-specific superiority complex: Noe Valley because we’re environmentally conscious even though we’re rich, the Marina because our boob jobs are better than yours, the Mission because we wear funky clothes and think poor people are exotic even though we're rich, Pacific Heights because we’re rich, the Outer Sunset because… um. Never mind.
10. Public officials who try to do things like ban public sculptures because blind people can’t see them.
And don't get your knickers in a twist, the Top 10 Reasons to Love SF follow shortly. As soon I can think of the next 9.